This question came to me from a family we served, so it made sense to write about it. When you're grieving, it's natural to look at others and wonder, "why aren't they grieving like I am?" Grief isn't one size fits all. Just like every relationship is different, every person's experience of loss is shaped by an entirely unique situation. Here are some reasons why.

Different relationships

Even siblings don't grieve the same parent in the same way. That's because each had a different version of that parent. The eldest had first time parents still figuring things out. The middle child had parents with more experience. The youngest often had parents juggling chaos. So it makes sense that their grief would be just as individual as their memories.

Different roles

 We also grieve based on the role someone played in our lives, a parent, a spouse, a sibling, a best friend, each person leaves behind a specific kind of vacancy. Maybe they were your biggest cheerleader, your daily phone call, your source of laughter, or your steady rock. That role and its absence shapes how you feel about the loss.

Different experiences

Your age, life stage and past losses also impact how you grieve. A child's grief differs from an adult's, which is different. Again, in old age, your personal history matters too. Two cousins losing the same grandparent may react differently, especially if one has never experienced a major loss and the other has already grieved a close friend. One might feel crushed by the weight of mortality, while the other draws on past resilience, or may face resurfaced pain.

So if your grief doesn't look like someone else's, that's okay, every loss is personal. Every heart breaks a little differently. Be kind to yourself and to others. Navigating the same storm in their own way.